Behavior #2: Desperate Attention Seeking

Desperate attention seeking is one of the primary characteristics of the Japanese fangirl. Regular old music fans have no need to desperately seek the attention of the musicians they admire, because hearing the music is enough. But for fangirls, getting attention from their idols is basically their raison d'etre.

Common attention-seeking behaviors employed by fangirls include kakegoe, “blooming hands” dancing, dressing up in attention-grabbing outfits, desperately trying to touch their favorite band member's body whenever possible, lavishing their chosen band member with gifts at every opportunity, writing lots of fan letters and/or spamming the band member a lot on social media, and when things get more serious, demachi (Japanese bangya slang for waiting around after the show for the band to come out of the venue) and actual stalking.

This is not to say that if you engage in kakegoe, or if you wear flashy outfits to shows, or if you send a gift to your favorite band member, that you must be a fangirl. It's the attention-seeking motivation behind the behaviors that makes the difference. When it comes to attention-seeking, there's a kind of power trip involved. By attraction the idol's attention, the fangirl forces the idol to share her psychological space, at least for a brief period of time. She forces him to acknowledge her existence. It's a form of manipulation – a mild form of attempted mind control. When the goal of the behavior is control, even behaviors that normally would signal positive intention become creepily narcissistic.

Gifts, for example. A gift is supposed to be a kind gesture – but if you pile your idol high with gifts at every show, it stops looking kind and starts looking desperate, like an attempt to buy his affection. Plus, if you give him gifts every night, they stop seeming special and meaningful, don't they? Though band guys clearly are pleased with some of the gifts they receive (never sneeze at free booze!), dealing with excessive gifts can very quickly become a chore, when you receive things you're not interested in.

Beyond that, there's something uncomfortable about the fact that the gift-giving fangirls are already paying a significant amount of money to see the shows and buy the CDs and merch, and then they're spending loads of money on gifts on top of that, despite the fact that most women in Japan get paid a lot less than men do. It's a free country and people can spend their money how they like, but I can't help but think that it's the guys who should be buying the girls roses, not the other way around. Desperate girls piling gifts on the men they admire just reinforces the already significant power differential between men and women.

Also, just like kakegoe, gift-giving can be a way of asserting dominance over other fangirls. An illustrative real-life example: several years ago, Der Zibet played an acoustic show at Aoyama Mandala, a swanky jazz club in central Tokyo which offers champagne bottle service. Partway through the show, the band's roadie came out onto the stage to announce that a faction of fangirls at one of the large round tables nearest the stage had sent the band a bottle of champagne. Glasses were procured, and the band members each took a few sips of bubbly before returning to the show. Fast-forward to the encore, when the same thing happened all over again...only this time, the senders of the champagne were the rival faction of fangirls seated at the other stage-side table. Champagne bottle service bidding wars may be de rigeur at Shinjuku host clubs, but we certainly never dreamed of seeing such a thing at a rock concert, even one at a seated venue with white linen tablecloths.

This is an example of positive attention seeking, but in many cases, the quality of attention doesn't really matter. Of course, positive attention (e.g., pleasure at receiving a gift of champagne) is better than negative attention (e.g., annoyance at being stalked) – but any attention at all is better than no attention.

Another example: many years ago, a fangirl friend of a friend happened to encounter Tsuchiya Masami while walking through the city. She followed him back to his hotel, and watched as he entered the men's room, whereupon, she entered the men's room herself. When he emerged to wash his hands, she jumped out and shouted “Boo!” at him. Polite but obviously annoyed, he told her to leave the men's room at once. She complied without complaint. “The point was, I got to meet Tsuchiya Masami!” she crowed later. The types of fangirls who literally chase their idols down the street (and yes, I've seen it happen) are thinking along the same lines.

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